I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
