I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
