I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
