I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
