will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
