In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
