so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The best revenge is premature balding
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize