I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
