Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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