so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
