Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
