Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
