wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
