You just made me feel so damn special
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
