I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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