This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
this hospital has no fireball
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
