I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
