"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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