I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
