Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
