no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
