Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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