Already got asked if we're dating
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
