There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
