u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
