Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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