p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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