I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
