I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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