I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
