I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
