She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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