This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
