A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
