What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
