I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
