I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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