I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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