Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
