I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
