I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
