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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
