i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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