we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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