Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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