I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
