I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
