someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
