So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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