It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
