how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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