Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
