So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
