Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
