I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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