i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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