I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
