worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize