last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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