Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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