its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize