Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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