She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
