so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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