the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
