chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ugly people sure do ruin things
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
