Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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