And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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