he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize