do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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