Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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