Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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