It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
