how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
