she was so not down for the gang bang
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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