Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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