I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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