just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
