The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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