yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
