They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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