I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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