we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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