I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
