Sponge bath it is.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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