Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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