pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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