I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
