party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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