butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
