So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
