i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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