i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize