You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
