so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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