Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
