Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
