I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
