I seem to have left my pride at pride
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
