I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
