I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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