You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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