I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it glows. i had to have it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
