the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
