So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
