Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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