dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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