he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
