we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
