Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
