you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
