i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
