It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
