I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
