I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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