so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
